birthday '21

I lie

as a vehicle for growth

I lie

as a means to survive,

to get what I want;

and lately,

I've witnessed myself lying

by pure force of habit.

But today,

I lie sick in bed,

contemplating all the times

that I've lied to myself.

I've lied myself into believing

that there are ideals loftier

than the pursuit of self-interests,

that there are cut & dried notions

of right and wrong,

that there is something noble

in doing what others expect you to,

want you to,

to walk a course others chart for you.

While the truth is,

there is nothing larger than the self;

all else is the means,

the self is the end. 

Everything must serve

the gratification of the self,

the projection of the self,

the fulfillment of the self.

At 39, it's probably too late 

for a chronic people-pleaser,

a spineless pushover

like me

to fully embrace

this hard reality.

But, heaven help me,

I will make

selfish pricks

out of my kids.

And I hope

other parents of my generation

are doing the same,

for the good

can't exist

without the bad;

altruism only makes sense

when juxtaposed with

selfishness.

And in so doing,

if we hasten the end of humanity,

so be it.