Trapped!

Have you ever felt trapped? Its a nauseating feeling. You feel like screaming at the top of your lungs but the sound just does not come out because you know you need to keep up the facade: cool, alert, active. You know what you're getting into is not your thing. But do people understand? No. All they can come up with is fucking advice and 'pearls of wisdom' that only serve to confuse you more. Abrupt breaks from one reality and finding yourself in a totally different picture makes you feel as if someone's got their bloody head stuck up your ass. But who cares eh? Its time to give life some direction, its time to diversify, its time to live up to a hundred expectations. But is this fair? What they don't get is that you're not a salesman. You could'nt sell a bone in a goddamn dog fair if it ever came to it. On top of that, living at others' tender mercies is something that just doesn't come to you. But there had to be a day when your wings were clipped, when you were forced to come back to earth. But do they expect you to live on charity? Every promise has been broken, every word reneged upon. You got a life to make or so you're told. Selling! What in the Lord's name is that? Sales! How would you like to go about on a truck begging khokha-walahs and every kind of goddamn bazari to buy women's sanitary pads from you? What kinda fucked-up thing is that? What kinda diversification is that? Some moron 8th grader could do that. Is there any fun in life? Torn apart from familiarity just so your professional credentials won't have a blank space. Its a pity this world is. Your life is governed by externalities. Is 'internality' even a word? How much say do you have in your life? None. That is because you don't care. You dont care whether you work or not. You don't care whether you become anything or not. You don't care whether people take you seriously or not. Because you don't like to assert yourself. If only you were a born a hundred years ago in the same surroundings, the going would have been good. In fact, if you had been a born a coupla thousand years ago, you might have been one of those loonies people mistook for holy men. But that still is possible, isn't it? Reality check: you're trapped. There is no way out of here and you can't live like this. What the fuck is going on around you? You don't wanna know and you don't really care. At this point, all you need to concentrate on is stifling that scream.