as a vehicle for growth
I lie
as a means to survive,
to get what I want;
and lately,
I've witnessed myself lying
by pure force of habit.
But today,
I lie sick in bed,
contemplating all the times
that I've lied to myself.
I've lied myself into believing
that there are ideals loftier
than the pursuit of self-interests,
that there are cut & dried notions
of right and wrong,
that there is something noble
in doing what others expect you to,
want you to,
to walk a course others chart for you.
While the truth is,
there is nothing larger than the self;
all else is the means,
the self is the end.
Everything must serve
the gratification of the self,
the projection of the self,
the fulfillment of the self.
At 39, it's probably too late
for a chronic people-pleaser,
a spineless pushover
like me
to fully embrace
this hard reality.
But, heaven help me,
I will make
selfish pricks
out of my kids.
And I hope
other parents of my generation
are doing the same,
for the good
can't exist
without the bad;
altruism only makes sense
when juxtaposed with
selfishness.
And in so doing,
if we hasten the end of humanity,
so be it.
