Mujra!

never before have I felt all my systems overheat so dangerously and my wallet being drained so freely and carelessly. but it was fun while it lasted. quite worth the risk im taking by taking such a long time off from work. am pretty sure that once i get back to the office, im in for one major-time ass-whooping! but one thing the ass-whoopers should understand and accept without questioning: even if i didnt deserve this break, i needed it! now ill go back batteries fully charged, totally off my knees and with a head pretty much clear of the terrible confusions that december wrought. now at least they wont have a zombie sitting there in 237A staring at the walls doing absolutely nothing productive. and God bless family! there's nothing like the feeling that no matter what deep shit ur in ull always have ur family as a protective net...the kind they have for tightrope walkers in the circus! these are people who are willing to put up with all ur vicious mood swings and ignore all ur misbehaviors and give u unconditional love and support. and u actually think that with such great people around everything and everyone else in the world can go to hell! but does that ever really happen?!?

Abidaaah!

the queen of sufi music delivered what was expected of her and more. as they say 'imaan taaza kerr diya'! even those who could not understand the lyrics were in a state of trance. quite an ego-booster for me too...pretty girls kept asking me the meaning of the Seraiki/Punjabi lyrics. sure feels good to be in touch with ur cultural roots! but lemme reiterate what i say quite often...to really enjoy sufi music, for the spirituality to really sink into your soul, u just got to be Shia! everyone can enjoy the beat and the rhythm, but only when ur Shia can u make a meaningful connexion with the words!

and what's a mehfil-e-ishq without a bit of spirit? 'Saqi tujhe qasam hai Janab-e-Amir ki...behtee rahe sharaab mein kashti faqir ki'! and i promise u...there is no better recipe for a trip to the highest peaks of spiritual ecstasy! the music takes u by the scruff of the neck and ur body twists and thrashes with every change-in-tone of the singer's voice. Abida Parveen's in a better position to explain 'lose urself' to the world than that wannabe rapper eminem anyday.

on the personal side of affairs, the next few months are showing full promise of being the winter of my discontent. still in the process of getting up off my knees...is proving to be quite difficult! everyone around me seems to be in deep shit too...sab psycho ho gaye hain! hasni my friend, life does not get to you alone.

'naddi kinare dhuwaan utthe, mein janoon kucch hoye,
jiss karan mein jogan hoyee, kaheen wohi na jalta hoye...'

Convocation 2004

so, it has come to this...the grand finale...dressed like a goddamn freak I collect my certificate. Ammi, Baba extremely proud...tears in their eyes. Tears in mine as well: 'there's too much confusion, can't get no relief'! Nothing to look forward to at all. Everyone will go back in a coupla days and its gonna be the same ol crap all over again. And the worst bit is...all the bloody genetic sentimentality of centuries had to concentrate itself into me! Like youshey said 'Dude, ur problem is sentimental diarrheoa.' Sala sahee kehta hai! But how huge a moron would I be if i said there is pleasure to be had in depression and self-loathing. Anyway, the Meekaal Hassan Band rocked the casbah...hope Abida Parveen does the same on Saturday!

Confused...

yesterday: 'your love is teaching me how to kneel....'
today: 'please, please, please...get up off your knees now, please'