Musings VI

jadanr daang hijjar dee pondee hay
saadi qismet aap koon rondee hay
tekoon kya aakhoon o yaar langah
kehri hasrat dil vich hondee hay

- Hasni Khan

resignation

There is no point doing this when I don't feel a thing. My head is so cluttered with work-related complications and family-related issues and apprehensions about the future that I have stopped thinking too deeply altogether. But then that was always the intent right? Get Hasni to start doing more and thinking less. And I guess this is inevitable once you get out of your self, or are dragged out of it to be more precise, and try to become a part of real life, governed by real rules and constraints, having a real different outlook than the world you had created for yourself in your head. Sometimes it is hard to focus and I drift back in time; but in the real world that is called absent-mindedness. Sometimes I indulge my intellect too but whatever the results of that are are almost always shunned as negativity. Survival is tough and that is the hardest lesson I have been taught yet. But the big question is have I really learnt? Because despite all this conformism that I have been forcing upon myself, there is a sullen, obstinate part of me that puts up a fight every step of the way and I never really can figure out who's the victor: the rebel or the conformist. I do not get this: is this life really worth living like a sheep among a huge flock or is it just my thought patterns that are too rigid? Anyway, there is something in my head that I am definitely not getting a finger on. And I dont even know how to feel about that!

plan of action

koee din gar zindagani aur hai
apne jee mein hum ne thhani aur hai

atish-e-dozakh mein yeh garmi kahan
soz-e-gham haaye nihaani aur hai

baar ha dekhi hain unn ki ranjishein
per kucch ab ke sir girani aur hai

dey keh khat muun dekhta hai namabar
kucch toh pegham-e-zabani aur hai

ho chukeen Ghalib balayen sab tamam
aik marg-e-nagahani aur hai...