aik bhooli bisri muddat k baad
iss be-jaan dil ka koi anjan kona
zindagi ki aik bekhauf lehr se thharra raha hai
jaisey
koi khud-dar shama
her simt k toofanon k beech
machley
per bujhey nahi
jaisey
kisi khar-dar payr ka koi badmast phool
apne ander mehak basane ki saazish ker le
aur kaanton ki baat na ban paaye
lekin
woh shama
yeh phool
muntazir hain tumhare
keh tum aao
inn kaanton se laro
unn toofanon ka rukh badal daalo
aur zindagi ko jila do
per dekho
aa ker agar
tumhare qadam larkharaye
ya in berehm dushmanon ko tum
dekh hee na paaye
toh samajh lena
keh zindagi phir haar gayee
aur iss baar uss ka maseeha
koi na ho ga.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Birthday '08
26. People have families of their own to care for by that age. People have careers, and money, and success, and promising futures, and burgeoning social lives that work to integrate them fully as responsible adults in the larger fabric of society, by the time they are 26. There are even a few who have lived lives so fully that beyond 25 is past their prime for them.
And then, there are others, who are hiding from life, and more so with every passing year. People who don't have what it takes to look life in the eye, and to take from it all that ought to be taken as the rightful prerequisite to happiness and the maintenance of it; people for whom it is nothing but one painfully slow tick-tock to the final hour of emancipation. Among these sorts are the kind who turn off their cellphones on their birthdays just because people wishing them well embarasses them; the kind who are yelling 'leave me alone', but the sound never really makes it past their larynx in the form of anything but polite chuckles and exclamations. And yet, some of these misanthropes dream big dreams, and nurture warm fantasies of happily-ever-afters in some secluded corners of their hearts, without having the decency to admit to themselves that what they crave can never truly reach fulfilment in the suffocatingly narrow conditions of self-confinement that they have created around themselves. What it takes though is a rare courageous fool to be able to mock his own naiveté and capacity for self-delusion.
In any case, 26 down. How many more to go, only the Master Accountant upstairs can tell, or His celestial minion in-charge of The Slate.
And then, there are others, who are hiding from life, and more so with every passing year. People who don't have what it takes to look life in the eye, and to take from it all that ought to be taken as the rightful prerequisite to happiness and the maintenance of it; people for whom it is nothing but one painfully slow tick-tock to the final hour of emancipation. Among these sorts are the kind who turn off their cellphones on their birthdays just because people wishing them well embarasses them; the kind who are yelling 'leave me alone', but the sound never really makes it past their larynx in the form of anything but polite chuckles and exclamations. And yet, some of these misanthropes dream big dreams, and nurture warm fantasies of happily-ever-afters in some secluded corners of their hearts, without having the decency to admit to themselves that what they crave can never truly reach fulfilment in the suffocatingly narrow conditions of self-confinement that they have created around themselves. What it takes though is a rare courageous fool to be able to mock his own naiveté and capacity for self-delusion.
In any case, 26 down. How many more to go, only the Master Accountant upstairs can tell, or His celestial minion in-charge of The Slate.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
and she's gone
before yesterday
'get out of my room'. heh. 'turn down the music. are you deaf or what?' hahah. 'what are u? a pig? can't you just shower and not bathe my entire room with you?'. teehee. 'what is all your stuff doing lying around here all over my room? what in hell is your own room for? just sin?' ouch. 'this is MY computer. I got it out of the ONLY paycheck I ever got. and you act as if you own it! get lost!' heheheheh. 'i swear to God I will retrieve all the porn hidden in this thing and show it to ammi. You have another thing coming if you think im kidding.' bring it on. 'what is my faiz doing by the flush again? do you wanna flush it down the toilet just as you did my dewan-e-ghalib? do you have no respect for anything?' hahahahah. 'I will have as many lights on in my room as I want. I don't care if they're burning your doped eyes. You should thank god i'm not telling ammi baba. Wonder what I did to deserve a leech like you.' snigger. 'You are the equivalent of a middle-aged, parisitic spinster, you know that? Wish I had grown up with some real men around me!' snort.
tonight
I have it all to myself. And yet, unwanted, emasculating tears roll down my face. My head is against this screen that has seldom shown me anything but lies, and I want to smash it in. but what truly is the strangest and the scariest bit is that, tomorrow, life is supposed to go on.
'get out of my room'. heh. 'turn down the music. are you deaf or what?' hahah. 'what are u? a pig? can't you just shower and not bathe my entire room with you?'. teehee. 'what is all your stuff doing lying around here all over my room? what in hell is your own room for? just sin?' ouch. 'this is MY computer. I got it out of the ONLY paycheck I ever got. and you act as if you own it! get lost!' heheheheh. 'i swear to God I will retrieve all the porn hidden in this thing and show it to ammi. You have another thing coming if you think im kidding.' bring it on. 'what is my faiz doing by the flush again? do you wanna flush it down the toilet just as you did my dewan-e-ghalib? do you have no respect for anything?' hahahahah. 'I will have as many lights on in my room as I want. I don't care if they're burning your doped eyes. You should thank god i'm not telling ammi baba. Wonder what I did to deserve a leech like you.' snigger. 'You are the equivalent of a middle-aged, parisitic spinster, you know that? Wish I had grown up with some real men around me!' snort.
tonight
I have it all to myself. And yet, unwanted, emasculating tears roll down my face. My head is against this screen that has seldom shown me anything but lies, and I want to smash it in. but what truly is the strangest and the scariest bit is that, tomorrow, life is supposed to go on.
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