ennui?

It comes upon him in the dead of night; an insidious specter, delighting in joining in the melancholic games of solitude the dark is playing on him, yet wary of his cornered spirit, his troubled mind. ‘What do you fear?’ it murmurs, mimicking the breathless tone of a lover about to bestow love's first kiss. ‘My vacillating faith’ he replies, sullenly, resignedly, not showing any interest in being wooed. The stillness of the dark is, for a moment, ruffled. ‘What is there to be afraid of?’ it asks in a manner of gentle bemusement. ‘I do not want to lose it again’ he answers after a long, empty pause. The dark gets denser around him, heavier. ‘And how do you fear losing it?’ it inquires, woefully, as if knowing what is to follow. ‘It’s a cruel, selfish world which does not comprehend the value of trust. When trust is shattered, all faith is shattered, all else is lost. I will not be able to survive any of that anymore’ he speaks wearily, half-expecting to be understood, half-imagining a ray of light in the unrelenting dark. ‘Sanctimonious liar’, it hisses, ‘you yourself are the thief, the desecrator of trust. And your only fear is that you may be avenged of your sin. You fear that which you deserve, and long for that which you do not. Be damned!’ ‘Amen’, he sighs. The dark closes in.